What is really causing conflict?


Are you struggling with conflict?

With yourself, at home or at work?

Conflict happens when we get caught up in believing stories about ourselves and others. These stories come in all shapes and sizes from little ones, “I’m not a morning person” to big ones “I’m no good”. These stories can be about other people and the world we live in, as well as ourselves. “He’s so selfish”, “Politicians can’t be trusted”. When we take them as truth they get in the way of living from a place of expansiveness and peace. They limit us to a small life, bounded by imaginary walls.

Imagine what you might do if you realised all those stories about yourself were just that: stories, with no more substance than dreams.

Imagine how your life would be with all the time and energy that frees up.

Change happens on the outside when we change on the inside, one human being at a time.

Let’s have a conversation

A conversation with me is about pointing you in the direction of an understanding of the human experience that may be new to you, yet also strangely familiar. It isn’t a religion or philosophy though many mystics and creatives have pointed towards it.

It is an understanding that has been trusted by many people of all religions and none over many generations. It is an understanding of how our personal thinking creates our experience of being human and how we can access a great reservoir of universal insight and wisdom, available to us all. When you see and experience the truth of this understanding in your own life, it will begin to transform.

What do you have to do?

There are no techniques to master. All you have to do is listen with an open mind. Listen for the feeling and stay in the conversation.

How do these conversations work?

This is a new area for me and so, as you’re here at the start, I’m offering a different model. You can book me for a one hour conversation to look at what is really causing the conflicts that are holding you back.

Instead of paying me, I ask for a donation towards my volunteering project. Details to follow.

I am limiting this to 5×1 hour coaching sessions a week until further notice. These can be delivered online or in person if you’re in my neck of the woods.

Please contact me and we can set up a time.

Why conflict resolution?

Conflict has been present all my life: family members, friends, work colleagues. So much so, I think at some level I got used to doing battle with it. It was part of my personal landscape, lurking on the horizon ready to trip me up and sabotage the relationships and projects that mattered most to me.

At the time, each conflict seemed irreconcilable. It was others’ behaviour, circumstances, my behavior. There were always a host of contradictory reasons. Each time I would pick myself up and launch enthusiastically onto the next thing, never really understanding what had happened (or how to stop it happening again).

The cost of conflict

With conflict comes suffering for all parties. For me, it ruined relationships, friendships and projects, sapped my energy and the energy of those around me and drove me (and others) to despair. I sought many forms of ease. Embarking on endless projects and regimes. Reading a tonne of self help books. Undergoing therapy. Learning meditating. These things helped.

In between I had periods of respite and immense creativity but always lurking in the wings was conflict: with myself, with others.

I was looking for peace, the peace other people seemed to have naturally.

A new understanding of human experience

In 2015, I came across Nichiren Buddhism and began a regular practice. Then in 2016 I came across Mary Schiller and Molly Gordon, transformative coaches whose work is based on an understanding of the Three Principles as expressed by Sydney Banks.

Things started to fall into place.

What I heard echoed much of the teaching in my Buddhist practice but crucially I saw something in the expression of the Three Principles that I had been missing. It brought immense relief as I realised so much of the anguish I had experienced was simply caused by a fundamental misunderstanding of where my experience of life was coming from.

It also explained where those blessed times of creative flow came from. Keen to see more, I jumped at the opportunity to learn from those in the field through books, audios, coaching sessions and an online course.

Inner peace is the key to social change and it starts with one human being at a time.

Take a look

Along with this new way of seeing this human experience came the desire to explore this with others who are in conflict with themselves, their families, their colleagues, their communities, their countrymen or other nations.

The desire to share this new way of seeing comes from a recognition that many of us suffer from inner conflict and self doubt. Whether yours manifests as lack of confidence, bravado, anger or paralysis, whether it is ever present or only appears when things are going well (or badly), this understanding of your experience can not just dramatically reduce your experience of conflict but open the way to take action in all sorts of ways you hardly dared to dream about.

My journey is just beginning. Has all conflict disappeared from my life? No. But the volume on conflict is gradually getting turned down; in its place are moments of greater clarity, more peace and security and my life is opening up in unexpected ways.

If you have been searching for peace and an end to conflict with yourself or others, I invite you to join me in this conversation. Let’s walk along side by side .

Please contact me and we can set up a time.